#244: McDonald's Plus


[Person is stepping out of a limo. Fred is greeting them.] \n Fred: Thanks for coming out to Margonsfield! \n Person: Ugh. This city better be worth it. \n [They are walking towards a McDonalds.] \n Fred: And this is the finest eatery in Margonsfield! \n Person: A McDonalds?! \n [They are sitting at a bench inside the McDonalds. Person is furious, Fred is calmly reading the menu.] \n Person: I can't believe this! I come to this crappy town and their best restaurant is a Mc- \n Off-panel: Ma'am. [The off-panel speaker is revealed to be a waiter with a mustache and a tuxedo, carrying a bottle of champagne and a serving dome. There is a soda vending machine serving "FINE SPIRITS" in the background.] \n Waiter: Champagne?

My next comic will be a special joint Christmas/New Years comic! It will be published Jan 1.


#243: Sacrifice (Part Four)


[Close-up of Max.] \n Max: Fine! I'll leave. But you haven't seen the last of me! \n [Fred talks to Max.] \n Fred: Well, yeah. You live next door. \n Max: Whatever. \n [Max draws an amulet from his pocket, a persimmon is engraved on it.] \n [The chain snaps.] \n SFX: SNAP \n [Max disappears in a flash of extremely bright magical light.] \n SFX: FOOM \n [Beatrice begins to disappear. Fred reaches for her. Her speech becomes blurred.] \n Beatrice: Fred, my grip on the mortal world is fading... \n Fred: Wait! But- \n Beatrice: You must remember to- \n [She disappears, becoming a point of light.] \n SFX: PING \n [Beat.] \n [Beatrice reappears.] \n Beatrice: Sorry about that. Bad connection. Remember to paint the east fence, it's peeling.
Stupid Glyphs written unto the universe by Time itself have a terrible upload speed. I can't even get Netflix on this thing.


#242: Sacrifice (Part Three)

[Fred slams his front door. Lightning outside.] \n SFX: SLAM \n [Max prepares a spell outside the door.] \n Max: heh heh heh \n [Spell grows stronger.] \n SFX: PWEEEEE \n [Door explodes. Beatrice shields Fred with magic.] \n SFX: BOOM \n [Max stands outside, looking through the huge hole.] \n Max: Here's Johnny! \n [Max and Beatrice in front of the McJeannason family tree.] \n Beatrice: Stay away from my nephew! \n Max: Oh yeah? How'll you stop me? \n [Beatrice zaps Max with life magic.] \n SFX: BZZT \n [Max prepares a spell.] \n Max: So you wanna fight? \n [Beatrice prepares a spell.] \n [Their spells connect in a flurry of electricity and fire.] \n SFX: CRACK \n [Max prepares a spell. (same time as 2 panels ago, not after last panel)] \n [Grandfather clock strikes midnight.] \n SFX: BONG \n [Max's spell shorts out.] \n SFX: FZZT \n [Max grins nervously.] \n Max: Oh. \n Max: Oops. \n [Max speaks to an annoyed Beatrice.] \n Max: Listen, I know I might've made a wrong decision in trying to kill your nephew. But if you would just consider- \n [Beatrice zaps Max.] \n SFX: ZAP
Happy Halloweeeen! 👻 (BTW, family tree doesn't show all family members yet, I was on a time crunch :P)


#241: Sacrifice (Part Two)

 Max, hasn't anyone told you not to run with magic?
Sorry I missed last week! Makeup should be coming, hopefully.


#240: Sacrifice (Part One)

[Snoring coming from a spooky, spidery room.] \n Fred: ZZZzZZzZz \n [Fred is lying down on a messy bed with candy wrappers.] \n Fred: zZZzZZZZ \n [A spectral blue hand taps Fred.] \n Off-screen: Hey. \n [Fred sits up, rubbing his eyes.] \n Fred: Zxqsm? \n [Fred stares up at a ghost with a bun in her hair.] \n [Same scene.] \n Fred: AAAAAAAAAAAAA \n [Same scene.] \n Fred: AAAAAAAAAAA \n [Same scene.] \n Ghost: Stop it. \n [Ghost looks around. Fred comes to terms with the ghost.] \n Ghost: I thought you'd take better care of the house... \n Fred: Great-Aunt Beatrice? How did...why... \n [Full-body view of Beatrice.] \n Beatrice: Someone summoned me back to the mortal world. I don't know who... \n [She points out the window. A beam of magic energy points toward the orchard near Fred's house. Margonsfield's skyline is visible in the background.] \n Beatrice: Somewhere in that direction. \n [Fred walks by a spooky tree. Beatrice is hovering spookily, the beam still coming from her hand. The spooky moon illuminates the landscape.] \n [Change of perspective. The beam points to Max, who is meditating and hovering, with the sigils of the magical elements: Time, Life, Persimmons, Pi, Energy, surrounding him.] \n Fred: Max?! \n Max: Hey. \n [Same scene, different perspective.] \n Beatrice: Why did you summon me? \n Max: It's just a magical exercise. A soul exchange between the mortals and afterlife every Halloween before the next midnight is sufficient for me to keep my powers. \n [Zoom in on Beatrice and Fred.] \n Beatrice: Oh, ok. \n Fred: Exchange? \n [The sigils disintegrate. Max draws a dagger.] \n Max: That's right. \n SFX: SHIIING \n [The dagger embeds itself in the tree right beside Fred.] \n SFX: WHUNK

My darkest and spookiest comic ever. How canon this all is is left as an exercise for the reader.

I'm back everybody! Trying to update a little more. Alternative title: The Tiny Stripz Halloween Special!


#238: If Only

[Fred is trying to open a packaged calculator with scissors.] \n Fred: Argh...stupid calculator packages...\n Amanda: Oh, you're opening one of those? \n [Amanda pulls a tab on the plastic package, the calculator slides out. POP! SLIDE] \n Amanda: You just have to pull this tab. \n [Fred stares at the calculator, Amanda walks away.] \n [Beat.] This should be required by law for all clamshell packaging. Can we whip up a new international treaty?


#237: Celestial Prank

 [Amanda appears in a starry void. POOF]\n [Time, a sphere glowing red, is next to her. Its dialogue appears in a red rectangle, and translations to the ancient conlang Drini are visible below the rectangle.]\n Time: hello, mortal. you have been summoned to ask me one question.\n [Amanda contemplates this.]\n Amanda: Hmm... What is the meaning of pi?\n [Time glows more. BOOM]\n Time: haha, we just threw that in to mess with you guys. ok, bye!\n Amanda: Wait-
Mortals are so annoying. "What is the purpose of life?" They just keep pestering.


#236: Endless

Whoops! Saved this comic as a draft but forgot to upload it for a while.


#234: 2nd Birthday

[Banner hanging from ceiling, with confetti. Fred, Max, Elaine, and Amanda sit at a stable, while Spider-Fish hangs from a thread.] \nBANNER: HAPPY 2nd Bday* \nCAPTION: *Actually April 22nd \nFred: Woooo! \n[Fred drops a simultaneously burning, molding, and frozen cake onto a plate.] \nAmanda: What happened to the cake? \nFred: That's actually a funny story. \n[Fred explains.] \nFred: So I'm at the store, right? And there's this cake just lying on the floor! And so I grab the cake and go. \nAmanda (off-panel): But then why is the cake on fire? \nFred: Well, technically the store was on fire. So I grab it- \n[Amanda looks worried.] \nAmanda: Wait, on *fire?!* \nFred (off-panel): Only one aisle. \nFred: It's probably ok, right? I was wearing thick clothes. And I had a water jug with me. \nAmanda (off-panel): ...I'm getting the cake next time.
Two years! Wooo! 🥳 Wow, can't believe it's been two years. Also can't believe my posting schedule has been offset so much I'm celebrating it more than a month late 😩😂


#233: Norris Poker (Part Five)

[Norris Poker, holding a phone, climbs out of a skyscraper window and onto a red beam on which Fred sits, hanging from wire. In the background, a lady fights her evil Venus flytrap.] Poker: Ok, I think we lost - [A laser cuts the wire.] SFX: ZAP [Poker falls off the beam, passing the phone to Fred in the process. Fred hangs on.] Poker: ! [Fred's POV. He desperately taps on the phone, trying to create a wormhole.] SFX: TAP TAP TAP [Meanwhile, Poker is still falling.] Poker: AAAAAAA [The newly created wormhole ripples the fabric of space.] [Poker falls into a glowing wormhole. In the background, a person is floating while meditating, a robot is electrocuting its unfortunate creator, a person types on an old computer, and a T-rex chases people across the apartment building.] SFX: FWOOM
This one took a long time! Been putting a lot more work into the art lately.


#228: Vibing

[Alex walks in to the panel.] Alex: Hey Max, I'm home! Max (off-panel): Over here. [Max is meditating in mid-air, a laptop, book, chair, and cup are floating in the air around him along with a blue glow.] Alex: Whoa... [Alex close up.] Alex: How are you doing this? [Zoom out again.] Max: Doing what? I'm just "vibing". Alex: This isn't vibing.
When ur vibing 2 hard and you accidentally levitate in the air in a frenzy of all-knowing godly multireality perception


#227: Self-Driving

[A screenshot of Amazon. A picture of a Tesla, rated 4.9 / 5. A five star review.] CAPTION: TESLA (SELF-DRIVING) - Self-driving - One-way glass - Electric REVIEW: Love it! I went from having a car crash every two weeks to having a car crash every two MONTHS!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ After I bought this fire alarm, it went off every time my house caught on fire!


#226: Laptop

[Amanda is holding a dripping PB&J in her right hand, and in her left hand, she is holding out her laptop, covered in jelly. Fred is looking at the laptop while walking by.] CAPTION: HOW I TREAT MY LAPTOP Amanda: Hey Fred, check this out! [Fred is sitting at a desk, working on Amanda's laptop. Amanda is freaking out.] CAPTION: HOW I ACT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE USING MY LAPTOP Fred: How do I connect to- Amanda: YOU'RE PRESSING THE KEY TOO HARD!


#225: Email

[A browser with ExampleMail open. Its logo is a blue version of Gmail's logo as of 2013.] CAPTION: Why not to use email EMAIL: To jsmith@mail.example.com Cc Hi John, Can you send me the data? [Fred sits at his laptop, waiting for a response.] [Fred is tired and annoyed.] CAPTION: Two weeks later [The laptop notifies Fred of an email.] [On the laptop:] REPLY: From jsmith@mail.example.com Cc Hi Fred, out of office for five days. Reply when I get back! - John
Most of my friends use either Discord or Hangouts now. And Hangouts won't notify me through email, so it takes days for me to notice messages. :(


#224: Productivity

[Life, a ghost-like blue figure, is floating in the air holding a paper. Amanda is at her desk, looking at him.] Life: You need to do your homework. [Close-up on Amanda.] Amanda: Maybe I've been avoiding my homework because there's too much stress in my life... [Amanda smiles.] Amanda: and maybe to get rid of that stress, I should play Minecraft! [Life drags Amanda away from her laptop, knocking it and the chair over in the process.] Life: No.
Any human in a nutshell. Just substitute "You need to do your homework" with "You need to walk the dog", "You need to take your vitamins", "You need to destroy the One Ring", etc, etc.


#223: Everything is Football

[Someone kicking a soccer ball.] CAPTION: "FOOTBALL" [People playing American football.] CAPTION: "AMERICAN FOOTBALL" [Someone dunking a basketball.] CAPTION: "BASKET FOOTBALL" [Someone playing tennis.] CAPTION: "RACKET FOOTBALL"
Why are we the only ones that call it soccer? (P.S. I'm getting much better with publishing lately! 😁👍🗓✅)



#219: Dog Mode

[Fred looks slightly depressed. Elaine is in the 2020 spirit, with a rainbow party hat and even a rainbow speech bubble.] CAPTION: 2019-12-31 11:59:00pm Elaine: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Fred: I don't get it... [Fred starts monologuing.] Fred: I was told, "By 2020, there'll be flying cars." Over and over, "By 2020, there'll be flying cars." [Fred grows angry.] Fred: But it's 2020, and there are no flying car- [A silver futuristic Tesla hovering above the ground with laser beams crashes through the wall. Fred looks mildly intrigued. Elaine looks appropriately confused and surprised, her party hat flying off.] SFX: SCREECH [Elon Musk gets out of the car.] Off-panel: Elon Musk?! Elon Musk: Hi. [Elon Musk apologetically waves towards the car.] Elon Musk: Oh, uh, sorry the whole flying car thing is late. It took a while to get Dog Mode working.
For one thing, we had a feature for the car to imitate human driving. But on New Years', the car drove around wildly, eventually getting arrested by police. I think it imitated a little too much.