Tiny Stripz: May 2019

2019-05-30

#159: Conspiracy

A folded newspaper is shown: CONSPIRACY NEWS: CARS CAUSE LEMONS [picture of shrugging sad guy] Is the Government planning something despicable? "Yes!" says Dr. Para Noyd. "Studies show that something bad is happening!" "Gasp!" says

OMG

2019-05-29

#158: Lazy

"You know, I'm more productive when I'm in a slight rush than no rush at all." says Fred. "Me too." says Elaine. Fred says, "I need to make a scatter plot for this! This could be revolutionary!" runs away, and comes back with a pointer stick pointing to a graph with a scatter plot and red lines. "We are most productive when in a 2-minute rush! This changes everything!" "Wait, what?" says Elaine.

Everyone, fill your day with meetings every 2 minutes and do work in between!

2019-05-28

#157: Good Deal

Elaine says "Honey, I'm ho- AGH!" as she discovers a 12-foot cactus in her living room. "Did you...buy...that?" she asks her husband Grady. "It was on sale!" he says. "But...why?" asks Elaine. "It was on sale." says Grady. "Why do you need it?" asks Elaine. "I don't." says Grady. "But..." says Elaine.

"Look, it was a whopping 2% off! Know how much these things cost? TEN DOLLARS!! Would you pass up a chance like that?" "Yes." "That's not the point!"

2019-05-27

#156: Parallel

There are 2 versions of 4-panel strips, seperated by a crackling storm of interdimensional quantum lightning. In both versions, Fred says "Time to open a portal to a parallel universe!" and taps a screen, switching an Apple-style toggle switch from ON to OFF. A portal originates from the screen. "Huh-" says Fred as a portal also appears behind him. AAAA he is sucked through the other portal and the alternate him comes out the other portal. The only differences are: In Version Two, Fred has a unibrow, and the screen goes ZOOP instead of BEEP. The portal from the screen is green, not orange, and the other portal is orange, not green.

That's why you shouldn't play with interdimensional quantum accelerators, kids!

2019-05-25

#155: Ghostbusterbusters

Elaine is shooing away 4 Ghostbusters with red proton packs and guns. "Get out of my house, Ghostbusters!" says Elaine. "Haha, no!" says one. "Hello, Ghostbusterbusters?" she says into a phone. "Uh-oh." says one of the Ghostbusters from off-panel. Fred and Max, the Ghostbusterbusters, show up. Fred is holding a big gun with blue lights on it. Max is holding a smaller gun. Both are wearing sunglasses. "Game's over, guys." says Fred. Fred ZAPs the Ghostbusters. "AUGH!" "Releasing them is the best part." Fred remarks as they release the Ghostbusters from a Ghostbuster trap. AAAAAA FWOOSH Elaine says, "Thanks, Ghostbusterbusters!" "Just doing our job." says Fred, saluting. Max also salutes.

*ghostbusterbusters refuse to leave* *5 days later* "Hello, Ghostbusterbusterbusterbusterbusterbusterbusterbusters?"

2019-05-24

#154: Vegan

There are 6 panels. The first is labeled "LEVEL 0 meat eater". In the first Fred is saying, "I'm not vegetarian." The next level, LEVEL 1, is flexitarian. Grady is saying "I try hard to avoid meat." There is a cooked chicken with a translucent NO sign over it, a translucent NO-MEAT sign. The next level, LEVEL 2. pescatarian. Elaine says "I don't eat meat except for fish." There is a fully solid NO-MEAT sign accompanied by a fish with a checkmark (a YES-FISH sign.) The next level LEVEL 3 vegetarian. "No meat for me! I don't eat any meat. Or fish." says Amanda. There is a NO-MEAT sign and a NO-FISH sign. Next level: LEVEL 4 vegan. Alex says "I don't eat ANY animal products!" next to him are NO-MEAT, NO-FISH, and NO-CHEESE-OR-EGGS signs. LEVEL 5 mineralitarian. "I only eat salt!" says Max. "Wait, what?" says Alex. Next to them are NO-MEAT, NO-FISH, NO-CHEESE-OR-EGGS, and NO-PLANTS signs.

I'm a Level One. I like the Impossible Burger, it tastes just like a real burger! I don't recommend the Level Five diet, it made me really thirsty.

2019-05-22

#153: Google.com

Grady is sitting at a desk with a laptop on it. Elaine is behind him. "Hey, how do you get to Google?" he asks. "You just type in https://google.com-" Elaine says, but Grady interrupts, "Ugh, that's too much typing. I'll find my own way." 2 HOURS LATER Cut to the Google homepage with "how to videos" in the search box. "Yes!" says Grady from off-panel. "You figured it out?" says Elaine. Grady explains, "See, you open Hangouts, then click Settings. Then go to Auto-Forwarding, and copy the part of the URL that comes after ?=. Then you paste it in a .jpg file and scan it as a QR..." Elaine facepalms.

"...and then copy the error code that comes up, email it to no-reply@google.com, and..."

2019-05-21

#152: Maps (Part Two)

Caption - TINY STRIPZ PRESENTS THE TINY STRIPZ MAP PROJECTION We'll get it right this time...I think™ There is a picture of Earth, with labels such as LAND, AMERICAS, WATER, ANTARCTIC, ARCTIC, ICE, HI!, and BYE.

"The labels greatly enhance the map-reading experience. Revolutionizes the mapmaking industry." - Lauren Smith

2019-05-20

#151: Maps (Part One)

A picture of the Milky Way is shown. The caption: TINY STRIPZ PRESENTS THE TINY STRIPZ MAP PROJECTION What? Oops. We zoomed out too far. Sorry!

On the other hand, Mercator is better because it distorts the lower part of the Milky Way less.

2019-05-18

#150: Lemons (Part Ten)

Fred and Max are worried, Max is holding Time. "Hmm. Looks like Time has a few broken bones." says Amanda. "Not to worry!" says Spider-Fish. She opens the first-aid kit. "Where is it...Aha! This pill will heal broken bones!" says Spider-Fish, holding up a pill. An ad appears. "The BoneHeal™! Heals broken bones in 2 minutes!" A picture of the pill is shown. ""It's official, 'cause this pill just made your medical world AWESOME." - New York Times" Back to Spider-Fish. She gives the pill and a glass of water to Time and says "Swallow this!" Time GULPs it down. Then comes an "X-RAY MONTAGE CLOSE-UP ACTION CLIMAX ROMANTIC SCENE!" as described by a caption, but it simply shows Time, X-rayed, with a brain in the center and four floating broken bones pointing outwards. FZZ... The bones SNAP together. "Yay! I feel better! As thanks! I bestow upon you divine gifts!" The following gifts appear as he declares them, going to Spider-Fish, Max, Fred, and Amanda, respectively. "a bow with unlimited arrows! a laptop that never misses its target!" Max practices throwing the laptop SWOOSH. "a key that opens all doors." Fred says "!!" "and finally.- a gift card!"

An end to my longest series ever - Time gives Spider-Fish, Max, Fred, and Amanda divine gifts.

2019-05-15

#149: Lemons (Part Nine)

AAAAA Cutie Pie is falling. He is a glowing blue soul falling through...outer space? There's no gravity in space. Oh, well. Meanwhile,Time is dizzy and Fred says "What was that?" "Activated the drainage system! Creates a portal out of Universe HQ. Cutie Pie's got just enough divine power left to go home and regain a physical body. Time, are you okay?" "WORRY NO MORE!" shouts an off-panel voice. Spider-Fish and Amanda (Duct Tape Lady) are swinging on webs and duct tape, respectively. Amanda is holding a first-aid kit. "Spider-Fish" says Spider-Fish "and Duct Tape Lady" says Amanda "are here!" says Spider-Fish "We make a great team!" finishes Amanda.

How do you give Time first-aid? To be continued...

2019-05-13

#148: Lemons (Part Eight)

There is a cloud of dust with stars and swirls coming out. OW! OOF! 30 MINUTES LATER: "No one's winning. This isn't going anywhere." says Fred. "I'm gonna try something..." says Max and pulls a red lever KA-CHUNK. A vocie says, "ACTIVATING SPACETIME DRAINAGE AND CLEANUP VACCUUM-POWERED SYSTEM." FWOOSH Cutie Pie is fighting with Time. "Hey, wha-" says Cutie Pie as a black-and-white portal appears FOOM. He is sucked in "AAAA". "?" says Time. The portal disappears with a PING.

I'll explain what happened in Part Nine. Wow, this series is getting long...

2019-05-10

#147: Lemons (Part Seven)

"YESSSS!" says Max. His laptop is showing a window that says "Found nearby mind. "Time's Mind" POSSESSER v1.2" There are two buttons, "Possess" and "De-possess". Max has clicked De-possess, and the laptop says De-possessing... "You did it?" says Fred. On the other side of a glass door, Time says with a green speech bubble, "Hey, what's going on-" ZAP Cutie Pie's soul is zapped out of Time. "What? Where?" says Time in red. "Aw, man!" says Cutie Pie. "Wait...I've been possessed!" By YOU!" says Time. "This ends NOW!" says Cutie Pie. "What?! Look at you! You don't even have a physical body!" says Time. Cutie Pie zaps himself a physical body. "I do NOW!" he says. "What? How- never mind!" says Time. They speed towards each other. Caption: EPIC BATTLE time VS cutie pie! Sponsored by NETFLIX!! NETFLIX is in red italics.

Though officially, it's written NetFlix™ or NET®flix.

2019-05-09

#146: Lemons (Part Six)

Time is on one side of a glass door. Fred and Max are on the other. "Let us out!" says Fred. "Heh. I don't think so." says Time. "I'm guessing Time's possessed." says Max, holding a laptop. "By who?" says Fred. Max says, "Cutie Pie. Probably came here to stop us. I'm gonna hack into Time's mind, see if I can de-possess her..." "You can do that with a laptop?" says Fred. "You can do ANYTHING with a laptop." says Max. Laptop says "Find nearby minds...No minds found. Settings > Bluetooth" Max is getting annoyed. Laptop says ""Bluetooth" wants to make changes." and shows a pop-up dialog to enter the admin name and password. The name field is filled with Max. The password field is being filled. "Um." says Fred. "Laptops are HARD, okay?!" says Max.

*tries to make a text file* Error: text_file_maker.jar refused to open. Give me a cookie and try again.

2019-05-07

#145: Lemons (Part Five)

Fred and Max's souls are being zapped FZZT into physical bodies. UNGGGG... they say. They are smoking. "Sorry about that. Getting a physical body does hurt." says Time from off-panel. "Hi, Time." says Fred. "Hi. Right this way." says TIme, leading them to a CONTROL ROOM with a glass door and a red light. "In there." says Time. Fred and Max go in. "There's nothing in here. Where is the-" SLAM the door slams.

Never talk to your friends or family if the color of their speech bubbles are unusual. That could mean they're possessed.

2019-05-06

#144: Lemons (Part Four)

POOF Fred and Max appear in what appears to be outer space. They and all text are glowing blue. "Where are we?" asks Fred. "In the Universe Waiting Room. Time should let us in soon." says Max. A glowing white portal appears in the room. "Come on in." says a voice from beyond the portal.

We are wandering

Floating in an empty void

I bet you thought this was a haiku

2019-05-04

#143: Lemons (Part Three)

"What's wrong?" asks Max, running towards Fred, who says "Cutie Pie's waking the peacocks! He can fly, and stuff! He's got a universe troubleshooting manual!" "We'll tell Time. They can erase the manuals." says Max. "Sit down." he says, sitting down. Fred sits down. Max starts meditating. Glowing symbols of the five elements: Time, Life, Persimmons, Pi, and Energy (clockwise) appear. MMMM... Cracks appear in reality, showing outer space. "HNNNN...ZMMMM" Now only a little of reality remains.

The five elements: Time, Life, Persimmons, Pi, and Energy (clockwise).

2019-05-03

#142: Lemons (Part Two)

POOF Life, with a mohawk, appears in a flash of green light. "Fred! I gave Cutie Pie lemons!" he says. "What? Why?" asks Fred. "I don't know, but now he can fly - and he's going to wake the peacocks!" "Tell Max he needs to come here ASAP!" POOF Life disappears. MEANWHILE Cutie Pie is floating and holding a red book. "You want to defeat me, Time? Maybe you shouldn't leave your universe manuals out in the open." The book holds a list of enchantments. "To create power plant out of thin air, say [and then a bunch of glyphs.] To fly, eat Lemons of Life whole To be all-knowing, go to google.com"

Uh-oh.

2019-05-02

#141: Lemons (Part One)

Cutie Pie is holding Lemons of Life. Life has a mohawk and is standing next to Cutie Pie. "Lemons! Finally... After so many years..." Cutie PIe CRUNCHes the lemons in an explosion of light. He begins to levitate. "HAHAHA.. It WORKS! TIME TO WAKE THE PEACOCKS!" He zooms into the air. "What have I done?" says Life.

When life gives you lemons, EAT THEM WHOLE AND BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL ENTITY IN THE UNIVERSE. This explains the peacock part.