Tiny Stripz: 2019

2019-12-29

#218: Rob Boss

[Fred is sitting on the couch. A TV remote and chip bag with chips are strewn across it. Amanda is standing next to him.] Amanda: Whatcha doing? Fred: Watching Rob Boss. [We see the TV screen. We see "Rob Boss", an angry figure with the signature afro of Bob Ross, but with stubble. He is holding a black painter's pallete made of glass with his initials on it.] Rob Boss: I'm ROB BOSS. And this is how you PAINT. The ONLY way to paint. All that other stuff is pure GARBAGE. [We zoom into the canvas, on which he is haphazardly splattering green paint with his two-inch brush.] Rob Boss: Now I'm gonna make an angry little tree here. SFX: SPLAT [We zoom out. The easel has a splatter of torn paper and green paint as a "tree" where Rob Boss has painted.] Rob Boss: Don't like it? DEAL WITH IT.

Ok, ready for your bravery test? *chuckles* *throws palette at canvas*

2019-12-25

#217: Crowdfunding

[Max and Grady are walking together. Grady looks slightly annoyed.] Max: Hey Dad, Mom told me Santa flies around the world giving toys to good children! [Grady turns around towards Max.] Grady: That's ridiculous. How would he get the money for that? [A screenshot of a Kickstarter for Santa Claus.] CAPTION: Santa's Workshop - $45.7M pledged - 3M backers - 3 days to go

There are rumors that Santa actually compromises business email accounts and wires money to scam bank accounts, and that the whole Kickstarter thing is just a cover.

2019-12-22

#216: How to Join a Conversation (Part Two)

[There is a caption and two words in green and red underneath it.] CAPTION: DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE SUBJECT? YES NO [YES.] CAPTION: CONGRATULATIONS! [NO. Fred is standing awkwardly.] [He looks at his phone.] [The phone has the Wikipedia article for cat.] [Fred talks to Amanda and Grady.] Fred: Talking about cats? Amanda: Yeah! [Fred recites the Wikipedia article's first three sentences, which form a forboding block of text.] Fred: The cat is a small carnivorous mammal. It is the only domesticated species in the family Felidae and often referred to as the domestic cat to distinguish it from wild members of the family. The cat is either a house cat or a farm cat, which are pets, or a feral cat, which ranges freely and avoids human contact. [Amanda and Grady are staring awkwardly at Fred, whose mouth is open in a smile.]

Awkward

2019-12-16

#215: How to Join a Conversation (Part One)

[The header. Tiny Stripz is in blocky rainbow letters.] HEADER: TINY STRIPZ PRESENTS HOW TO JOIN A CONVERSATION [Fred is walking and whistling.] [He sees Amanda and Grady having an excited conversation.] Fred: ! [Fred listens intently.] Fred (thinking): INTERPRETING SUBJECT... Amanda and Grady (off-panel): bla bla cats! bla bla [Amanda sees him a few meters away. Author's note: Metric is the best system. I am an American by the way.] [Amanda waves to Fred.] Fred (thinking): The humans have accepted me as one of their own.

Mission accomplished. Return to base. They will never suspect anything.

2019-12-10

#214: The Weekend

[Fred is raising his hand in triumph and confidence.] CAPTION: THE WEEKEND Fred: YES! [Fred sits down at his desk and rests his hands on his laptop.] Fred: Today is going to be a productive day! [Beat.] [Fred starts typing.] Laptop: twitter.com

Well, there's always tomorrow (except if it's Sunday).

2019-12-07

#213: Coder Life

[A black hatted sillouhette is standing in cascading green binary.] CAPTION: WHAT MY PARENTS THINK I DO [A determined coder is sitting at his desk, confidently staring at several monitors displaying code and strange symbols, windows, and charts. We may never know what this dope dude is doing, he's so leet.] CAPTION: WHAT I THINK I DO [A frustrated coder is smashing his laptop with a sledgehammer. He has started an electrical fire. He doesn't care. HIS CODE ISNT WORKING HE NEED SMASH.] CAPTION: WHAT I ACTUALLY DO

I recently waded through a bunch of uncommented code, then redesigned it completely...AND IT WORKED. It was (*puts on sunglasses*) dope.

2019-11-28

#212: UnHiNgEd

[Amanda is standing next to Elaine. Elaine is blisfully unaware of Amanda's overdose of caffeine.] Amanda: Ah, Thanksgiving! [A bluebird flies by.] Amanda: The birds are in the air and the trees are in the ground! [We zoom in on Amanda.] Amanda: Turkey, freshly mined and polished! Ripe cage-free applesauce! Elaine (off-panel): Wait, what? [We zoom back out. The caffeine is beginning to go to Amanda's head. She is overexcited and wide-eyed, like the zany face emoji (🤪).] Amanda: Hahaha! Cranberries! Fully hatched! Scrambled turducken! Grapes! Yum yum yum! Elaine: Maybe you shouldn't have bought those twelve boxes of Thanksgiving Sale coffee.

I know you wanted to use your new CoffeeMakr Pro™, but...

2019-11-25

#211: Not Again (Part Four)

[Alex is sitting in a bed. The window lock rattles and then unlocks.] SFX: RATTLE RATTLE CLICK [A balding doctor with black curls on either side of his head falls out.] SFX: SHF! Doctor: AGH! [He looks up at Alex.] Doctor: ? [He walks over. Alex is disbeleiving after Doctor speaks.] Doctor: Oh, hello! I see our pig brought some new patients! Alex: You're the doctor? [Doctor points his thumbs towards himself.] Doctor: That's me! [Doctor trips and flies through the air over Alex's bed, unexplicably. Alex is bewildered.] Doctor: WAUGH! [He lands off-panel.] SFX (off-panel): THUD Alex: You okay? [We zoom in on Alex's face.] Doctor (off-panel): Yeah. I may be clumsy, but I don't break easily! [Doctor has walked over to Alex's bedside. He is now holding the pig from the previous comic.] Doctor: I'd like you to meet our magic pig. Alex: "Magic?" [The pig's eyes turn all-knowing and green. The background behind him is replaced with a timeless, powerful space background. Green electricity shoots from the pig's eyes.] SFX: KZZT

< First You sure don't wanna mess with this pig! ⚡⚡🐷🧙‍♂️⚡⚡

2019-11-23

2019-11-09

#209: Not Again (Part Two)

[Max is kneeling over a hole.] Max: Hmm... Alex: Help? [Max walks away, and has a lightbulb over his head.] [He comes back holding a rope into the hole.] Max: Climb this! [In the hole, Alex tries to climb the rope.] Alex: HRNGHH [Alex falls as the rope goes from taut to loose.] Alex: ?! [Max lands on Alex, holding the rope. Alex has pulled him down! Alex is surprised.] SFX: WHUMP [We zoom out.] Alex: Great. We're stuck down here with no one to help us. Things can't get any wor- [Max lunges toward Alex, panic in his eyes.] Max: DON'T- [The ground gives way beneath them.] SFX: CRUMBLE Max: -jinx it.

😈🕳 The god of deep holes in the ground takes no pity on mortals.

2019-11-05

2019-11-03

2019-10-29

#206: Candy

[There is a line of sugary products, from LESS DIRECT to MORE DIRECT. Each product is drawn with a label and a quote.] KIDS VITAMINS: "Good for you!" KIDS CEREAL: "Good-ish for you." CHOCLOATE BAR, LOLLIPOP: "Fine, I admit it. I really am candy." FUN DIP: "I WANT SUGAR! GIVE ME SUGAR!"

No one gives out vitamins or cereal for Halloween, though. Yet... 😈😨💊🥣 BTW, #Jellyfish4Halloween2019🐙

2019-10-21

2019-10-07

#204: Easily Offended

[Fred is standing next to Amanda holding a phone.] Phone: [Thumbs down] Fred: My social media posts keep offending people. Amanda: Try posting a cat video! Who could that offend? [Amanda holds up a tabby.] Fred: Hey, yeah! Can I borrow your cat? Amanda: Sure. Cat: MROWW [A screenshot of Facetweet. The post has a cat picture.] @fredjean: Cute kitty 🥺🐱 ???: This is a grim commentary on the role of pets in society... [Back to reality. Fred is throwing phone in the air.] Fred: AUGHHHHHHHH!

"This webcomic post waves away the gruesome fact that people are so easily manipulated by social media corporations... Read more (1204 words)"

2019-10-05

#203: Genie

[Fred is walking toward a golden Aladdin-style oil lamp.] Fred: Whoa, a cool lamp. [Fred picks up the lamp.] SFX: RUB RUB [A genie comes out of the lamp.] SFX: FOOF [Camera facing towards genie. Genie is holding lamp.] Genie: YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM THE LAMP. YOU HAVE THREE WISHES. WHAT DOES YOUR HEART DESIRE, MORTAL? [Fred is running away.] Fred: AAAAAAA

I'm now publishing only on weekends. We'll see how it works out! 🤔📅📆🗓

2019-09-25

#202: Batman (Part Six)

The series ends. Rest safe, because Bufffield, Dr. Bruce, and Max watch over your town. 🦇🦇🦇 vs. 🐱💪+👨‍🔬+👦 = 😌🌃

2019-09-23

#201: Batman (Part Five)

[A bunch of bats.] Bats: SKREE! SKREE! [Max is kneeling, dressed in Batman helmet, cape, gold jewled Thanos glove and tank with welding nozzle. White Bats are shooting from the nozzle.] Max: YAHH! White Bats: SKREE! SKREE! [The Black Bats and White Bats steer around each other.] Both Bats: SKREE! SKREE! [White Bats fly out the window, while Black Bats attack Bruce Wayne.] Both Bats: SKREE! SKREE! Bruce: AUGH! [Focusing on Max.] Max: Sigh... Time for PLAN B. Off-panel Bruce: OW OW OW! [Close-up of Max's glove, snapping his fingers, black and white pattern in background.] SFX: SNAP [Garfield, buff, appears.] SFX: POOF Garfield: 'Sup Max: Garfield, GO!

Buff + Garfield = Buffield or Bufffield? Or Buff-field? 💪🏋️‍♀️😹

2019-09-21

#200: Batman (Part Four) [200TH COMIC!!!]

HEADER: 200TH COMIC!! [Dr. Bruce Wayne is sick.] Bruce: Ughhh... Off-panel: WHOA! Max is tapping on holographic screens. Max: COMPUTER, initiate 3D-PRINTING! Computer: PRINTING Untitled 26fkjst.skp. [Max runs over to a complex machine printing a superhero suit.] SFX: BZZT [Max is wearing a black helmet with pointy ears and glowing eyes, a cape, and a tank attatched to a welding torch nozzle with a tube.] Fred: What is it FOR? [Max is glowing with a heroic pattern behind him.] Max: IT'S TIME TO FIGHT BATS WITH BATS. [Everything is back to normal, Eagle enters carrying a glove.] Off-panel: SKREE! Eagle: CHEEP! Max: JUST IN TIME.

The first time an accurate eagle noise is used in a comic.

2019-09-15

#199: Batman (Part Three)

"QUICKLY!" says Dr. Bruce Wayne."What about SAMMY?" asks Max. Bruce turns to see Sammy the phoenix/eagle furiously fighting bats. "He'll be FINE. Now WHERE'S the EXIT? ...MAX?" "ACTIVATING PLAN EvaDE." comes a robotic voice from off-screen. "WAH!" FSHT A trapdoor opens below Dr. Bruce Wayne. "?!" WHUMP he lands in some kind of railcar. WHIRR ZAP its rocket boosters activate, lighting up the room. "WHOA!" says Bruce. "WHEE!" says Max from off-panel.

< First EvaDE: EVAcuation by De-Elevation.

2019-09-11

Some of you will recognize that as Thanos's glove from Endgame! 🧤 #CoolGloveDude I confess, I have never watched Endgame and only know about it from the Google easter egg you get from Googling "thanos".

2019-09-08

#197: Batman (Part One)

Who else is going to be Batman from a parallel universe where he's from Maryland and has a T-shirt with the awesome Maryland flag on it? 👍😲👍🦇 #batman #halloween2019

2019-09-06

#196: The Other Side (Part Ten)

The Pillbug, Elaine as an ant, and Max are falling through space, glowing blue. YAAAAAY says Max. "Whoa!" he says as a portal appears. ZAP Out of the other side they come into a room with a green lamp. Elaine is back in human form. "Wheee!" says Max. "AUGHHH!" says Elaine. They all land with a WHUMP. "Hey, returning to Earth restored you to human form!" says Max. "Hey, yeah! Who wants deep-fried saltines?" says Elaine. "Deep-fried saltines?" says the Pillbug. "They're really good." says Max. "Okaaay..." says the Pillbug.

Sorry for not posting lately! I guess I got pretty lazy... Anyway, this is the final installment in the "The Other Side" series! Yay!

2019-08-30

#195: The Other Side (Part Nine)

The Pillbug (a giant pillbug) is carrying two packs on his back. Max wearing red goggles and Elaine as an ant is walking next to him. "What's that?" asks the Pillbug. "What?" says Max. The Pillbug stands up. His antennae quiver. "I can feel something. Something close by." "You have pillbug-sense?" "Shh!" They come next to a river. "Oh great, a river." says Max. "Hmm..." says the Pillbug, and presses on a rock. BEEP FSHHHH A portal, complete with seaweed and octopus, comes out of the river. "Whoa." says Max. "You first." says the Pillbug. "Whee!" says Max, jumping in. Elaine jumps in too. On the other side of the portal we see they have appeared in an outer space like enviroment and are glowing blue.

There are octopi in rivers? 🐙🌊 #OctopusInARiver

2019-08-28

#194: The Other Side (Part Eight)

The Pillbug (a giant pillbug) types on a laptop. TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP "java -jar run.jar Running. Results: -----" DING! The laptop displays radar. "This way! Just let me pack some bags." says the Pillbug. Max and Elaine as an ant follow him. 2 HOURS LATER... They are hiking through the hills near mountains. "So, why are you coming?" asks Max. "Well, 100 years ago, our ancestors foretold that the North Wind led to the Exit." says the Pillbug. "The "Exit"?" asks Max, carrying a roll on his back. "We pillbugs can't fit through portals. So we have to go through the Exit of the Other Side. But it's hard to find the North Wind, because "north" here is always changing. The Other Side is ruled by a crazy dictator. We're looking for refuge on your side."

You can display radar on the command line?

2019-08-25

#193: The Other Side (Part Seven)

Max, wearing red goggles and carrying Elaine as an ant, is walking among spirits such as The Grim Reaper, a red blob, two ghosts, and a giant pillbug. "North Wind, huh?" he says. "Did you say North Wind?" asks the pillbug. "Yeah." says Max. "I know what that is! Follow me! See, the North Wind is a wind that's north." says the Pillbug. "I guessed that." says Max. "YOU DID?! YOU'RE SMART!!!" exclaims the Pillbug. They arrive at a small green door. "I've spent my whole life working on a North Wind tracking machine! Come see!" says the Pillbug. They go through the door, into a blue house with a chandelier. "Welcome to my humble home!" says the Pillbug. "Whoa." says Max. They see a giant machine plugged into two outlets and a laptop. "This bad boy will locate the North Wind for ya. Don't touch, ok?" says the Pillbug. "Got it." says Max.

< First Pretty nice home for a pillbug. Actually, pretty nice home for anyone.

2019-08-23

#192: The Other Side (Part Six)

Max, with red goggles and carrying Elaine as an ant, sees a purple tent with stars on it. PHSYCIC SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS! "Hmm..." he says. He goes in. It is dark. "Hello?" he asks. Two glowing snakish eyes appear. "HELLOOOO! CAN I HELP YOU?" The text is blurred and glowing. "Um...my mom was turned into an ant." says Max. "AH, YESS... FOLLOW THE NORTH WINDD..." says the psychic being. "Ok...why?" asks Max. The being and its words pixellates and glitches apart. "FOLLOW THE NORTH WINNND..." The text is a mere blur and the being is now a few pixels.

< First That was weird.

2019-08-21

#191: The Other Side (Part Five)

Max wearing red goggles says "Here, take these." to Elaine, handing her a pair of green goggles. "Wow!" she says as she puts them on. She can see through the goggles Max making a funny face and two ghosts. The goggles identify info about each creature. "What does this button do?" she says, pressing a button BEEP. "Don't-" Max says, reaching out to stop her, but too late. There is a POP and she disappears. Max looks on the ground. He is annoyed. Elaine has turned into an ant. "?!?" says Elaine. "Ok, Mom. Let's go find you a cure." says Max. "|||||" says Elaine. Max walks past some stands. "Which of these stores do you think sells antidotes?" he asks. "|||||..." says Elaine.

< First You should really put a warning label on that button.

2019-08-19

#190: The Other Side (Part Four)

Max looks at his pager. It reads: THIS IS TIME. WHERE ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG? He replies "Other Side. BRB helping mom" "BTW can u call us an Uber 2 market?" "No problem." pages Time. A futuristic space car with glowing colorful exhaust driven by a purple ghost hovers next to them. BEEP BEEP Next panel: Max and Elaine are in the back seat. "So why are you here?" asks Elaine. "Business." says Max, relaxing with his arms behind his head. "Why did you have to get such a weird job?" asks Elaine. "Paranormal. Not weird." says Max. "Where are we?" asks Elaine. "The Market. It's the black market of the spirit world." NYEOOO the space car begins to land. "You take business trips to the black market?!" asks Elaine. "Hey, look! We're here." says Max, changing the subject.

< First "What are you even buying here?" "Lemons."

2019-08-16

#189: The Other Side (Part Three)

Elaine and Max wearing red glowing goggles are near a purple blob, a skeleton, and a green ghost. "How did-" says Elaine. "No time! Follow me!" interrupts Max. They go into an alley between a broken down pub and another broken down building. "This isn't a safe place for you!" says Max. "Max, you're 5!" says Elaine, getting angry. "Look, there are demons who will eat you." says Max. "Then why are you here? Where is this?!?" says Elaine. "The Other Side." says Max mysteriously. "Of what?" says Elaine. "..." says Max. BZZ BZZ "Hold on. I'm being paged." Max takes out his pager, which has the number 257-6926 on it. "You have a PAGER?" says Elaine.

< First "How are you even getting signal?" "This WiFi router I carry around with me."

2019-08-13

#188: The Other Side (Part Two)

AAAAA Elaine is falling through a tunnel of glowing colors and ghosts. She falls to the ground with a WHUMP. She gets up. "Whoa." There are creatures surrounding her, ghosts, a skeleton, and the Grim Reaper. We zoom out and see another stick figure, a giant monster, a giant bug, a giant blob, and a robot. "Hmm..." she says. We zoom back in. Elaine is pretending to be a monster to fit in. She bumps into the stick figure, who is revealed to be Max wearing red glowing goggles. "Ow!" says Max. His goggles slip off and he falls down. "Max?!?" says Elaine. "Hi Mom." says Max.

Hold on, is that the Grim Reaper?

2019-08-11

#187: The Other Side (Part One)

Whistling, Elaine unlocks her house door and walks inside. "Max, I'm home! Huh. I'm sure he'll return..." She sits down on a couch. CREAKKK "Huh? Uh..." Glowing strands of sparkling color envelop around her couch. The room darkens and a glowing portal opens in the floor. The couch falls in. "AAAA"

Where is Max?

2019-08-07

#186: Walm*rt

Fred is talking to Grady. They are on an airplane seat and Fred is next to the window. Fred says "So I was at Walmart and-" CRASH the ceiling breaks apart. A Walmart worker climbs down via a rope. "What the heck?" says Fred. Grady has covered his mouth in shock. "Ha! Saying "Walmart" on a commercial airline is a strict violation of trademark law. You owe me a fine of $3,000!" says the worker. "What? No!" says Fred. Grady is now confused.

CRASH "There's the guy who used our trademark in his webcomic! Get him!" "Hold up! I was using it for educational purposes!" "Arrrgh! We'll get you next time, cartoonist! Don't be so cocky about avoiding this little incident."